there is a lot of pressure to be thin and wear a size 2 in this society.....and its really fustrating because only like 20% of girls are like this.....its high exspectations for girls of the other 80%....it's funny that these 20% 's have no idea what its like to be 80%
days i wish that i didn't have to worry if something was going to fit me or not......i worry constantly cuz i know i cant wear these cute clothes cuz i dont fit into them.....which is hard because i should be wearing those clothes at my age. I don't go out to places cuz i cant figure out what to wear, cuz i am so ASSAMED of who i have become.....not something i thought would happen, hey i was a gymnast half my life and really fit.....but you get those few bad relationships that just ruin you....and the only thing to comfort you is food....which is true with me....i picked food over everything.....it was the only thing that never judged me, never hit me, never called me names, never picked me over hard drugs......pretty fucked up....i think so. I'm not my real self....or how i used to be, i put a mask on for everything.....cuz the underlining person thats there....isnt there....she's gone....and let everything go with it!
it's hard when you don't feel beautiful.....or cute in anything you wear....and days you wish you could be that 20%, but some people dont feel the pain of being overweight, cuz they've never been like that....and people think its funny to laugh and be like "oh that girl is fat" or "cant that girl just work out" usually when someone is over weight there is something else going on....something emotionally fucked up in there life......clearly that's what is going on with me....and i just cant seem to let it go....it's hard to figure out, it's easy for someone to say "katie let it go" it isnt that simple, weather you'd like to believe it or not, you have to burn off the emotions to burn off the fat!
i have always put up a front with people that are around me, cuz i cant be that depressed person all the time.....but deep down i am....and in the past i got fucked around with....which took a toll on my heart....and because of that i have lost my self worth and the feeling if i deserve things....i've become a lost soul.......
