Baby, I Was Born This Way

hey again everyone!

i havent been blogging as much as i should but you know how things go ;) life decides to throw you a couple of curve balls. Well lately i have been dealing with a lot of issues in my life. trying to figure out why i am the way that i am..... in the last year i have gone through some really rough patches that led me to take a month off of work and try and figure out what was going on!

finally after seeing a psychologist, we figured out i deal with depression and anxiety....now that only question was....what the fuck am i gonna do now? so for awhile i was seeing a psychologist and it just wasnt helping....it did for a few days but then i would be back in my old rut again! uuuggghhhhh! so this past summer i went to the docotor and pleaded for help since i didnt want to feel like this anymore. So she prescribed Cipralex, its an antidepressent and it helps control anxiety and panic attacks (which i had experienced a few months prior)

As soon as i started taking those pills...boy oh boy i was back to my normal self!!! :) but i had a lot of mixed reviews on weather or not i should be taking something.....some people dont believe pills are the "way to go" but i knew deep down that there was something wrong.....not just because i couldnt cope with things.....there had to be something more to my issue! So finally i asked my doctor that maybe i need to go see a physcatrist (probably spelt that wrong haha) So today was the day that i went and did that! i brought my mom along with me since she had first hand experience with me at my worst and she remembered everything that went on.....to this day i dont remember anything really from what happened back in the spring and how i was.....maybe thats a good thing? i dunno? we got to the office and talked with the specialist and after about an hour of figuring out my symptoms and asking me tons of questions......he came to the conclusion that i have DPD....which is Dependent Personality Disorder.

it means i am more prone to abusive relationships, anxiety, depression, panic attacks and relying on people all the time. it also means that i would do anything for anyone to get instant approval.....i wont argue points with people cause i dont want to ruin the relationship i have with them. I put other people infront of myself.....which is probably why i have never focused on my true self....ya i "treat" myself to things like shopping, getting my nails done etc... but never deep down in myself! which trust me over the last 23years has not made it easy! So we asking the doctor if there is something i can take or now did i get this disorder etc..... he told me that you are born this way....when you were developing as a fetus...its just how things unfolded. there is nothing to cure what i have since its a "temperment" but me taking the Cipralex stops my brain from going into depressive states where i cant function. it also helps with my anxiety and panic attacks. my personality disorder is something im going to have to cope with and there is no magic pill in the world that can fix it. I know over the years it will get better, i can see a change in myself that i didnt have a couple of years ago. Whoever is reading this, thank you for reading... i wanted to let people know the "real" me and stop wondering what is going on.....now i know what is going on....and why things are the way they are!

Now you know....i just wanted people to understand me.....

Lots of Wisdom

So today was the day that Mr. Cory had to go into surgery for his wisdom teeth. Poor guy was nervous going in but once the drugged him up he was good to go!!! When i left the office to go wait for Cory i actually teared up a bit.....got kinda emotional about it.....i dont like seeing him in pain or discomfort! so today i have been playing Nurse for him, so things are easier....so we have spent the day watching movies and hanging out :)